The World Wide Web is already a valuable resource to a whole lot of people. But to make it really useful it needs your input. More specifically, it needs information about you. This is because your presence on the Web is crucial to its long term well-being, and it's vital that your personal details are available globally, 24 hours a day, to all the millions of people with Internet access.
For the benefit of humankind, then, here are some things that are essential for your home page on the Web.
Few pages, many headings. Go for a few big pages rather than lots of smaller ones because it's very helpful for your visitors to have all the information on hand at once. Of course with all this information you'll need to use lots of different headings to signpost the reader. The more headings you use the less text you'll need to put under them, and the bigger the headings the easier it is to read. Ideally over half your text will be very large headings.
Your favourite TV programmes. The very fact that you've got one or more favourite TV programmes says a lot about the kind of person you are. In particular if you're a fan of The X-Files or Twin Peaks then you've obviously got something to say about them and you should say it. Also, be aware that some people out there are still arguing about which is better out of Star Trek: The New Generation and Babylon 5. You know the answer to this. Tell them. It's important.
Good use of emphasis. Since there's a lot rubbish on the Net, and since whatever you say is worth listening to more than anything else, you need to be heard above the general rabble. An excellent way to do this is to use emphased text such as bold and italics. In many places you'll see people emphasise just the odd word or phrase, but this is a dead giveaway that only those words and phrases are worth any attention. It's quite obvious that if all your words are worth writing, as they surely are, then all your words are important. This means that you should emphasise not only complete sentences and paragraphs, but whole documents from top to bottom. This will make it clearer to read and impress upon the reader the seriousness and/or humour of your work. The more documents you write the more you will be able to write with authority; eventually you should be writing documents that are entirely in bold italics, and, with the more advanced browsers, blinking on and off repeatedly.
Pictures of your pets. Don't listen to those unfeeling individuals who say that all animals look the same. Not only is this not true, be assured that your pets look cuter and more heartwarming than any others in the world. If you have a cat, try to get a picture of it peeking out from under a blanket or something. This is always most amusing. Even a goldfish has possibilities; try to include several images of it from different angles so the reader can really get to know it.
Pictures of your significant other. It is of great interest to others as to who your amour is. Include lots of pictures of them, and follow the same guidelines as for your own picture. Of course if you're particularly important you won't have time for an SO. In this case you'll probably be a fan of someone like Cindy Crawford or Keanu Reeves, so you should include some pictures of them instead. Since there aren't many pictures of these people already on the Net you should make sure you have a good-sized collection. This will always be interesting to others and can only improve your social standing.
Samples of your favourite music. Don't be put off by the fact that other music you've heard on the Net either takes ages to download or is of terrible quality. You should include samples that are both lengthy and of very high quality. This is because your excellent taste will become apparent as soon as the music is heard, and your page's visitors will understand that the wait was well worth it. However, since this isn't obvious before the information has been downloaded don't let people know how big the files are, as this may deter them unnecessarily.
Message boxes. Make sure you include a message box at the bottom of your home page. Ostensibly this is so that people can send you comments, but really it's just to broadcast the fact that you know how to do these things and aren't you clever. In fact you'll probably find that you receive few if any comments. The comments that you don't receive will be from people who are so impressed they couldn't think of anything fitting for such a work of art. On the other hand you'll probably find that the few comments you do receive are from those people who mistook the box for a dictionary search; do please remember that most people use dictionaries to look up rude words and you shouldn't take these comments personally.